Undefined [1/1]

[geenoway]

Title: Undefined
Author: vamplover82
Pairing: Clyde/Luke
Rating: PG
Summary: Luke is confused about his relationships, and Rani helps him figure some things out.
Disclaimer: All things Sarah Jane Adventures belong to the BBC, I own none of it.
Author notes: Set early in series 2. Comments and con crit. are much appreciated.



Sometimes, when Luke was alone, he had the tendency to think about the different relationships he had with the people in his life. Actually, to be perfectly truthful, he thought about them rather a lot, given how difficult social interaction could still be.

Of course, he'd read every book he could lay his hands on that might be even remotely relevant, but there was so much to know that he couldn't possibly figure everything out, and definitely not only from books with conflicting information. So basically, he took things on a case by case basis.

Sarah Jane: his mum, his caregiver, his family. Rani: his friend (his female friend), someone he suspected maybe he should fancy but didn't, all the same. Clyde. And that was where his major source of confusion lay.

Luke knew that maybe he should feel closer to Sarah Jane than to Clyde, although he had to admit – if only to himself – that the opposite was true. And the conflicting information was only making it worse. 'Family should form the most important relationships in one's life.' 'Teenagers tend to form attachments to one another that become more important than family ties.' 'Mates should come before girls, but boys were meant to fancy – and fall in love with – girls.

In other words, Luke thought it was understandable to be confused about his relationships, but that didn't make it any less frustrating. And the worst part was that he couldn't really talk to anyone about it, knowing that the nuances of relationships he had such trouble with were generally taken for granted by others.

And none of that even took into account the fact that Luke had a sneaking suspicion that he fancied boys rather than girls, which he gathered was not the norm and might prove troublesome if talked about. His stomach had a tendency to clench up and his tongue to become tied when he was around other boys, not girls, as Clyde had suggested as a likely reaction to fancying someone. He didn't think it showed too much as he generally kept his thoughts to himself around pretty much everyone, but he couldn't be sure.

One day, though, without meaning to, he got lost in those types of thoughts while he was meant to be paying attention to Rani. "Luke? Luke!" Rani finally got his attention by waving her hand in front of his face. "Where were you just now?"

Luke's brow furrowed slightly. "I was right here."

Rani sighed. "You looked like you were thinking about something. I was wondering what it was."

"It's nothing." Luke must not have sounded very reassuring, because Rani looked concerned.

"Are you sure you're alright? You've been very quiet lately, and it's had me worried about you."

Luke didn't answer immediately because he had the sudden desire to tell Rani all of the things he'd been thinking, even though he knew he probably shouldn't. Rani put her hand over Luke's, and he gave in to his impulse.

"I'm alright, just sort of confused about relationships." He proceeded to pour out his thoughts, and after a momentary pause of consideration, he decided that telling her about fancying boys couldn't hurt either. "And I think I'm gay." Luke sat back and looked at Rani, watching as she worked her mouth without saying anything. "Rani?" Suddenly, Luke wasn't sure that this had been a good idea. Surely she wouldn't think badly of him…would she?

"That was…a lot of information, Luke."

"And?" he finally asked when the silence continued to stretch on, long enough to make him nervous.

"Well, I'm not sure how much help I can be with the relationship thing. I mean, I love my mum and dad, but you and Clyde and Sarah Jane are like part of my family, too. I guess what I'm saying is that relationships are complicated, even for those of us not grown by aliens. So maybe, don't worry too much about defining them; just know who you care about." Luke was so busy taking that in that he didn't notice when Rani continued talking. "Luke!"

He looked over at Rani again. "What?"

"About the gay thing…are you sure? Have you even…I mean, how do you know? You haven't exactly had a lot of experience with romantic relationships, have you?"

"A girl kissed me once. And Clyde told me what it meant to fancy a girl, but I get the feelings he described when I'm with other boys, not girls."

Luke sounded a bit desperate, and Rani tried to be as reassuring as she could when she spoke. "It's alright. Loads of other people are gay, but it's probably best not to go telling everyone at school."

"I know that much, Rani. But you're okay with it? Because a lot of the books I read said that friends and family might not be and to be prepared for that."

"Of course I'm okay with it. With all the things we see on a regular basis, being gay seems positively normal." Rani smiled, and Luke returned it, glad that their conversation had gone over so well. They sat in silence for a minute before Rani spoke again. "So, do you fancy someone in particular?"

Luke was somewhat reluctant to tell her, unsure how she might take it. Then again, she had been really good about the rest of it. Plus, maybe she could help him figure out what to do about it. "Yes."

"Well, who is it?" She leaned forward, unable to hide her interest.

"Clyde."

Rani gasped sharply, not at all prepared for that. "Really? Clyde?" Luke nodded. "You're not just trying to be funny?" Luke frowned; as if he would joke about something like that. "Okay, so you really mean that. Have you told him any of this?"

"No. I didn't even mean to tell you."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Do you think I should?"

Rani tapped her finger on her chin, thinking. "Only if you want to date him, I think. Because otherwise things will be awkward, and all for nothing."

Luke thought he knew what Rani meant and nodded. "I think maybe I would like to date Clyde."

Rani let out a high-pitched noise and smiled excitedly. "Great! Now we just have to figure out how best to tell him."

Luke was slightly worried by the sudden gleam in her eye.

*****

Luke needn't have been worried about Rani's reaction to his pronouncement, because while around his mum or Clyde, she gave no sign at all that anything was going on. When it was just the two of them, though, she laid out possibilities for him.

Luke favored the idea of just telling Clyde straight out, but Rani thought it might be better to sound out his reaction first. In the end, Luke agreed to her way because as she said, "you can always just say it plainly later if hinting doesn't work."

So, the next time Luke and Clyde were alone, Luke tried what he and Rani had talked about. "Clyde, can I ask you something?"

"Course, mate. That's what I'm here for."

"What would you do if one of your friends fancied you?"

"Why? Is this about Rani?"

"No, it's a hypothetical question."

"Oh, well I suppose if she was good-looking, I'd probably ask her out."

"Only if she was good-looking?"

Clyde frowned. "Probably. Look, what's this about, anyway?"

"Nothing, I was just curious," Luke said, dropping the subject. He was glad when Clyde let him.

*****

Rani heaved a great sigh when Luke told her what had happened, not really surprised that her plan hadn't worked out. "Alright, so maybe it'll have to be a little more blatant than that. Just leave it to me."

Luke looked skeptical (at least, she thought that was what his look meant; he had remarkably few facial expressions), but he agreed to let Rani give it a try. Rani, for her part, tried but couldn't come up with anything substantially better than a hypothetical.

"I have this friend," she began while she and Clyde were sitting in Sarah Jane's living room, doing their homework (Luke had gone upstairs for a few minutes, as they'd agreed would be best).

"Yeah? Is she hot?" Clyde cut in.

Rani rolled her eyes at Clyde's spectacular jump to completely the wrong conclusion. "He," she made sure to emphasize, "fancies one of his friends and isn't sure what to do about it. I want to help him, but I thought it might be useful to ask another boy about it."

"Well, if I were him, I'd probably go for it, since his friend probably fancies him back."

Just then, Luke appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Look, I know what's going on," Clyde blurted out.

Rani and Luke looked at each other. "You do?" Rani asked carefully.

"Course I do; I'm not stupid. You two fancy each other and wanted to make sure I'm alright with you dating, or whatever. And I am; it's cool."

"Clyde, you've got it all-"

"I fancy you, not Rani."

Rani and Luke spoke at the same time, but when Luke finished, all eyes were on him. "I think maybe I'll leave the two of you alone," Rani said, gathering up her books and heading home.

"Did you just say what I think you said?" Clyde asked several moments after the door shut behind Rani.

"What do you think I said?"

"Luke, you just said you fancied me!"

"If you knew what I said, then why did you ask?"

"That doesn't matter! You fancy me!"

"Yes."

"Me?"

"Yes." Luke was getting frustrated with the repetition.

"Not Rani?"

"No."

"And you're not just having me on?"

Why did everyone seem to think this was a joke? Annoyed, Luke did something he doubted would be mistaken for a joke: he darted toward Clyde and gave him a quick, clumsy kiss. Clyde stared at him in shock, while Luke just stood there, blushing at the fact that he'd even attempted to kiss someone when he had no idea what he was doing. Clyde abruptly sat on the sofa, still not saying anything.

"Clyde?" Luke finally ventured.

Clyde's head turned slowly in his direction, but Clyde seemed not to be seeing Luke at all. Luke reached out and laid a hand on Clyde's shoulder, startling him back to reality.

"I, uh…I need to get home." Clyde got up and was almost to the door when Luke's voice stopped him.

"Clyde…"

Luke sounded so sad that Clyde couldn't bring himself to leave, no matter how freaked out he was or how much he really needed to be alone at the moment. He turned around and walked back into the room, leaving plenty of space between himself and Luke.

"Alright, so maybe leaving isn't the best idea. But you caught me off-guard."

"I'm sorry," Luke offered. "Rani thought it might not go over well if I just told you. I guess she was right."

"It's alright, really. I just…I mean, I didn't even know you were gay."

"I know."

"Why didn't you just tell me? No, stupid question; I know why you didn't tell me. Have you," Clyde paused, gesturing with his hand to try to get his point across, "fancied me for long?"

Luke shook his head. "Until you explained it, I didn't even know what that meant."

"Okay. Just…I really need some time to think this over. Would it be alright if I just see you tomorrow?"

Luke nodded, looking far from pleased, but knowing there wasn't much he could do about it.

*****

Luke didn't sleep very well that night, and he was glad the next day was Saturday. He slept in (once he finally fell asleep, he was out like a light) since he knew his mum would be off early, working on a story that, for once, had nothing to do with an alien attack.

By the time he wandered downstairs, it was well after midday, and he had completely forgotten that he was meant to be seeing Clyde that afternoon. As such, he came down dressed only in a pair of pyjama bottoms, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw that Clyde was sat on the sofa, obviously waiting for him.

"Uh, hi," he said, ever so intelligently, while Clyde stared at him. Luke looked down, realized what he was wearing, and turned to go back upstairs. "I'll just go get dressed."

"No, Luke, wait." Luke turned back and thought Clyde looked maybe…nervous? He tilted his head in consideration as Clyde continued on. "You're fine. And, if I don't get this out now, I might not at all." Clyde paused. "I think maybe I could fancy you, but I'm not sure."

"How will you know for sure?"

"Well, I was thinking-" Clyde got up and walked over to stand in front of Luke. "This."

He grabbed Luke's chin and leaned forward to kiss him. It was strange for both of them, with Clyde touching Luke as little as possible – afraid, almost – and Luke not closing his eyes or knowing what to do with his hands. All the same, it wasn't bad, and it got better when Clyde finally got frustrated enough to break the kiss, tell Luke to close his eyes, and put Luke's arms around his waist and his own arms around Luke's shoulders before trying again.

They spent a pleasant five minutes that way, before finally stopping so Luke could get dressed and they could go to the cinema as they had meant to. As Clyde watched Luke walk up the stairs and Luke touched his lips almost in disbelief, they unknowingly shared the same thought. This might just work out after all.

Comments

[digitalviolets.livejournal.com]

Aww, lovely!
I like how gradually it progressed. It was awkward, but in a way that made sense, and seemed realistic.

[smallearthcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :)

[ssquirrel-fic.livejournal.com]

This was so sweet. I loved how Luke works through his confusion with help from Rani, her excitement at getting to think up a way for him to ask Clyde out was so cute. Clyde's reaction was really realistic too imo, as he tries to take it on board.
xXx

[smallearthcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :)

[lilachaze.livejournal.com]

That was so sweet. I loved how it progressed.

[smallearthcat.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :)

[blue_ant]

Oh, seriously, this was adorable. This is one of my favorite kinds of fics. I like the whole realization and build up kind of thing. And I like the differing points of view and ... it was just adorable. Exactly what I needed today! Lovely job.

Also, one of my favorite bits was Clyde's whole 'I think I might fancy you, but ...' thing. Love it.

[smallearthcat.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :)

[chibibble.livejournal.com]

What I liked best is that Clyde took some time out to think about it instead of doing an instantaneous make-out session. But the make-out session later on was appreciated :3

[smallearthcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :)